We had auditions this weekend for, umm, the show that I am choreographing for the Spring. Which is “RENT!” at Quad City Music Guild. Yay! Umm. But, every time we do auditions, whether I’m on the production staff or auditioning, I always walk…out…of….the session. Uhh. Or…uh, and not just the audition itself, but the conversations that happen around…you know with people in the lobby, or with people who are, who are volunteering, or the other people auditioning. And I always tell myself,… you know… good grief, they’re gonna see how much of a… crazy person you are. And be terrified…to work with you. Umm. You know, you always re-th…I don’t know if everybody does this, but…I always…spend my time afterwards rethinking everything that I said to every single person, you know? Umm. Was I…you know…too…friendly, was I …too…much? You know. Are they…realizing that…you know…I’m…just a crazy person who says…all kinds of weird, ridiculous things. I always…analyze…every interaction… afterwards. Realizing that…umm…uh, you know, I could be very much too much for some people, umm, and hopefully…or some people might think that I’m, you know, mean, or…weird or, I don’t even know. I, there are so many things that I tell myself after interacting with people, but…The thing that, that I love about auditions is…getting to see…uh, the talent that comes through. I mean, you…there are some great surprises every time. There are…people…that I know, who I’ve worked with before, that I know are super talented and getting to see them, you know, come through and shine and…be themselves and…how amazing they all are. And it always just makes me think, you know, similar to my analyzing after, is like: I wonder…what people think when they see me, you know? Like, are they happy? Are they excited? Are they impressed? Are they…uh…disappointed? I don’t know. Umm…but, yeah. So it’s one of those things that….I think adds to…the stress of auditions. Whether…Not just the audition itself and being…nervous, and, and wanting to do well, and hoping that I am, you know, good enough. But also that like, umm, al…alternate side…the…actual interactions, and how people see me, and how they… perceive what working with me will be like. Which again, hopefully is all good. Cause, I love working with people, and I love theater, and I love sharing that…uh…with everyone. But…Umm…yeah, there’s a lot of self-analysis that goes on after auditions and…umm…I’m, I’m trying very hard to not let that turn into a super negative thing. But,…it’s also…I think, just one of the downsides of our, of this hobby that I have, and this, this art that I, that I am a part of. I think….that…you know, we always are aware of how we could be perceived. And…umm…yeah…I’m just…I’m in that headspace right now. So…so yeah, hopefully, uh…it’ll all be good and, and it’ll, it’ll, you know, people, people enjoy working with me, I hope. But, umm. Yeah. I just need to remind myself that, you know, I do what I love because I love to share that love of theater, and…that…people can… get good things from that. And I just need to focus on that, I think. Umm. But yeah, have a good day. I hope it goes well. See you tomorrow.
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